ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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