and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
