You smell like a Billy Joel song
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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