dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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