She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
one might say we're banned from that church
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Will exercising make me less horny?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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