Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
