Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
