She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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