WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
