After last night, I could never be a politician.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
