It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize