He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
