During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
