I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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