Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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