I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
