I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
