taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
