You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
