So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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