Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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