why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
