jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
