I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
