Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
