boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
