I love black thongs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
