I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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