So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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