3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
