you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
