My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to calm my uterus...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
