My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
