I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
