I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
operation harelip BJ is a go
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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