i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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