Your face is a jimmy john
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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