The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
