im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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