I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
being pregnant is like rehab
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
