Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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