You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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