So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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