I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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