I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think i peed on brittanys purse
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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