I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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