Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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