Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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