I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
