Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
