Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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