dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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