I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
