so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
