party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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