I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
