You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize