Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
