So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize