I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize