Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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