Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize