I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
