I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
