I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
