Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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