he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
